'I'm not his long term roommate': 33-year-old demands to stay with older brother after argument with wife, gets offended when he's expected to leave after 10 days

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Sep 17, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

Many people would consider that one of the prerequisites to being a good family member is being there for your relatives when they fall on hard times. When it comes to the dips in this rollercoaster ride that we call life, it is nice to know that your family is there to help you through it in whatever ways they can.

At the same time, there is a limit to the generosity of even the kindest of relatives. You do not want to find out what it is, because after that point, things can get messy. In many cases, the kindness of family is based on the idea that you might do the same if you were in their position. If this does not appear to be the case, resentment can form and relationships can become damaged, in the worst cases, for the rest of your lives. It can even facilitate going no-contact.

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  • Am I wrong for refusing to give my brother my guest bedroom because he “needs space” from his wife?

    Cheezburger Image 10555303936
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • One older brother felt he had reached the end of his patience after agreeing to allow his younger sibling to stay for a couple of days after he had a big argument with his wife. While he was initially willing to help him lie low, he became annoyed by his lazy and entitled behavior. 

    By the time he had spent ten days in his guest room, he wanted him out. However, both his brother and their mom were not happy about him putting his foot down.

  • I (35M) live in a 2-bedroom apartment. My brother (33M) called me last week saying he and his wife had a huge fight, and he needed "space." He asked if he could stay with me "for a while."
    via Jolene-Doodle95
  • I said sure, for a few days. But after 10 days, he's still here, and he's treating the place like his own. He leaves dishes everywhere, takes over the TV, and even invited a friend over without asking me.
    via Jolene-Doodle95
  • Cheezburger Image 10555304192
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • When I told him he needed to head home or find another place, he said I was “kicking him while he's down" and that as family I should "support him unconditionally." He accused me of being “cold” for prioritizing my comfort over his "mental health."
    via Jolene-Doodle95
  • I told him he could crash for emergencies, but I'm not his long-term roommate. Now my mom says I should "let him heal" and stop "making him feel unwanted." AITJ for telling him to leave?
    via Jolene-Doodle95
  • Cheezburger Image 10555304448
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • People assured him that he wasn't in the wrong.

    fearfulklutz Let him go live with mom. She can let him heal.
    via fearfulklutz
  • JoyReader0 now you know why wifey threw him out... and why you should too.
    via JoyReader0
  • EducationalBill2694 You're totally right to set boundaries. Helping out is one thing, but living like it's his own place and ignoring your rules isn't fair. Family support doesn't mean losing your peace at home.
    via EducationalBill2694
  • First-Stress-9893 I bet his behavior is why he "needed space from his wife" he was tired of her nagging him to clean up so instead of being a responsible adult and actually taking care of business by adulting he decided to go and stay with you and also treat you like his live in maid. He sounds very inconsiderate and selfish. NTJ
    via First-Stress-9893
  • Obse55ive NTJ. Your brother is a adult and needs to grow a pair and talk to his wife. If my husband and I had a fight I would never even consider running away to my family or staying with them for an extended amount of time. Give him a timeframe to leave; you didn't ask for a lazy, inconsiderate, boundary trashing roommate who complains to his mommy.
    via Obse55ive
  • ckm22055 Tell him he's not wanted in your home anymore bc he lives like a pig. Since mom has such a strong opinion, he can go stay at her house and she can his dirty, laundry and give up her tv.
    via ckm22055
  • Pandoratastic NTJ I think I can guess why he was fighting with his wife.
    via Pandoratastic
  • Ok-Lunch3448 He is unwanted. What about ur mental health? He's a , that's why his wife kicked him out. Instead of maybe trying harder to be a decent person he's being a at your place.
    via Ok-Lunch3448
  • Consistent_Lie_3484 NTJ, and he needs to leave now before he's legally considered a tenant
    via Consistent_Lie_3484
  • Careless-Image-885 NTJ. Get him out now. Get packing boxes and put it in the bedroom. He will never leave if you don't force him. Tell mommy that he's on his way to her house.
    via Careless-Image-885
  • Odd_Substance_9032 NTJ - he is unwanted....GTFU and kick him out yesterday
    via Odd_Substance_9032
  • pascobro Ask you mom if she's ready to come over and clean up after him.
    via pascobro
  • Feeling-Invite7953 NTJ. The person who MOST needs to hear an apology from, a sincere, no-punches- pulled apology, is his wife!! The longer he stays away from her, the more ammunition she will have for her divorce proceedings. Unless he is also contemplating divorce...but while the cat's away, the mouse is gonna play.
    via Feeling-Invite7953

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family drama aita marriage wtf brother wife relationships argument AITJ family reddit thread Reddit brothers entitled people
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